There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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