I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
