Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
