I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
