i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
