I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
