You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
