just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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