Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
No subtext here. People are naked.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
