I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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