she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
