he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
