found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize