i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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