Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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