Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
