U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Your cock deserves a montage
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
