Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize