just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
