i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
