Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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