I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
