using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
