12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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