I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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