she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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