I'm gonna have a badass scar
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
