No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
