I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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