please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
