I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
