Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I smell like Dick and happiness
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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