I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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