Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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