So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
