this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
