Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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