i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
