Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
