WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
