Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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