Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
