I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
