I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
