i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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