I've blown a few things in my day
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
