you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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