he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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