when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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