Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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