i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
