there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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