So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
