found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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