Tell her she can't have a vagina
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize