he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I use my feet as sexual weapons
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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