I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
