How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
