cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize