You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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