You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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