Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize