I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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