You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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