Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
