we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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