imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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